Russia: Just like home

And by home I don't mean America, I mean Miami. As in uber-Latinified USA.

Russia: Just like home

For those of you who’ve heard me talk about my father, you’ll know that he’s not exactly the most understanding of people. Shoot, he still thinks Russia is the Soviet Union (true story). I tried explaining to him once that the Soviet Union fell in 1991 but he didn’t believe it. “IT’S A CONSPIRACY SON, CAN’T YOU SEE THEY’RE TRYING TO MAKE EVERYONE COMMUNIST!?” And so on and so forth.

What’s ironic is that he would fit PERFECTLY here in Russia. Here’s some of the things my host mother and I have talked about so far:

1) American culture. There’s no such thing. The reason our national cuisine is based on fast-food chains and enterprises is because the women who came over here from Plymouth were loose women who came here to “do more business” and, as a result, didn’t really know how to cook food and raise a family, so quite naturally all they cooked for their family was hamburgers cuz that was the easiest thing to make. “What about freedom of religion?” -- I had the idiocy to ask. “All that’s nonsense.” Was her response.

2) Jews. Gays and Lesbians. She attributed the existence of gays and lesbians to “the Jewish phenomenon.” Jews all around the world are making people gay left and right. –was the most kind of absurd thing she said. But then she went on to make other slightly anti-Semitic comments which, scarily enough, made sense to me. I know it’s a touchy subject, but I’ll try to write with delicacy. The Jews as a people like to point out how much they have suffered throughout history, been persecuted left and right, no one loves them, Jewish guilt, etc. etc. And they love to remind people about the Holocaust. Yet host mom says that how come they are the only ones who have the right to claim the Holocaust as their own? Hitler went after everyone. Gypsies, Belorussians, Russians (does anyone even remember massacre of Stalingrad?), gays even. Yet they keep their mouths shut and don’t really demand anymore retribution from those times past. Also, while everyone else is poor still, a lot of Jews have all the money and all the power. So why continue complaining about the past when clearly you’re well-off in the present.

3) Religion. Then it came to religion. A long and lengthy conversation I wish I could have with my parents, but we spoke very openly and frankly about our personal feelings towards religion, God, and church. But that’s another blog of its own.

4) Death. Already she spoke openly about how her nephew’s mother died this December from cancer. She was diagnosed one day and within the month she was dead. Now she has to look after him as an adopted son (granted, it’s not TOO much work, he’s 26, but still, a man needs a mother, you know?) and life’s pretty tough. “Life’s pretty tough” seems to be the overarching theme of Russian conversations.

5) Cats. My host mom (50) has no children (and I don’t think she had a husband, but I’m afraid to even ask should I open up a Russian can of worms and regret that I’ve ever lived ever), she lives with her mother (who’s 80, I believe), and three cats. AND SHE LOVES THOSE CATS. She told me a really long story about how her neighbors stole one of her cats and took it very far far away, and she suffered a lot and eventually pleaded God to return her cat back to her. And surely enough, three weeks later the cat just jumps through the window and starts eating food. Yes, miracles do happen.

So while my father is still convinced that everyone’s a Communist in Russia, he would still fit in perfectly with all the other extremely opinionated and controversial people, barreling through delicate topics with the force of a WWII tank. It’s like two peas in a pod!