I Have a Crush on EVERY Boy!

OW! MY SKIN!

Man, I love it when pop-culture just GETS me.

My skin, as a matter of fact, HURTS LIKE A BITCH. My back skin in particular. I kept on heavily failing at doubles on the one-meter, which then led me to splash on the water ON MY FRIGGIN' BACK. Also, my entries off of 7m platform got sloppy for some reason, and now my right thumb is jammed. I can't... really... rotate it.

Anyways, ever get the feeling that the dating scene (or "the playing field," as I've heard some youngsters call it) is disturbingly, eerily similar to the job market? Cover letters, resumes, interviews. That bullshit people call "going out for coffee?" Yeah, that's an interview, buddy. Not to mention I haven't ACTUALLY ever received a job offer, which means I suck at interviews AND my resume must be rather lackluster... God I hope that doesn't translate *too* well... at all, really... to my dating life. Lord knows my relationship track record... well... kinda matches my job record... OH GOD.

I wonder what one-night stands would fall under? Contract work?

OH GOD NO.

Wine: The Nap-Maker

Man! I think this is all thanks to my delicious two glasses of red wine! THANKS, WINE!

I just took such a great nap and sooo ready to attack my thesis! As a matter of fact, since waking up 5 minutes ago I've written two large paragraphs AND gone to the bathroom! I am a writing FIEND.

So much so that I felt I had to write about it in my dear diary.

Man I'm thirsty.

Advertising Fail

The other day I was at a restaurant (probably fast-food, knowing me), and I saw something that caught my eye and made me think "God I'd love to meet the geniuses behind this gem... and punch them in the face."

I can't remember it well, but it went along the lines of

X-Burger! Now with REAL beef flavor!

Congratulations, dumbfuck. What you essentially said was "Try our shit! It's now made with REAL fake stuff!"

Really guys, really?

Funk-ay

So apparently I'm in a funk. So has told me two people over the past week. I don't seem as genki probably as I usually am.

But that's so weird! Why on earth would I be funk-ay? I have no reason to be! As a matter of fact, I DO thoroughly enjoy the fact that I literally have no real classes and only have to wake up early (and by "early" I mean 7:30am) on Tuesdays and Thursdays to head to the gym early before my DIVING CLASS. Yeah, that's right, I TAKE DIVING. So, from my end, I'm actually as happy as happy can get, so I really don't see what these people are talking about.

Perhaps there's something lying beneath that belies my funk-ayness. The job hunt has been thoroughly frustrating, which has made a huge dent in my self-confidence. I look at my resume, then at all the job postings that they have on the internetz and I just sigh and lament my own inexperience and lack of foresight when I was an undergrad doing what I loved to do most: languages.

However, I *am* looking into positions that will have me be assistants to people. I LOVE assisting people! It's what I do best! I like to make sure everyone's happy all the time and I can carry a helluva conversation with whomever! Also, I'm FREAKING BUBBLY AS FREAK. WHO WOULDN'T HIRE ME!?

I guess the funk also comes from my not advancing so much on my thesis. It's going, slowly but surely, I just wish I wrote faster and were able to be more eloquent than my stupid ESL-ass is at current point in time. I have a lot of social commitments, but then every once in a while I can't commit because I have the thesis, so I end up feeling as if I'm sacrificing both for nothing in return.

Anyways, hopefully everything will be figured out come December.

B.O.

Unlike BBDO, this acronym is of something far more nefarious.

You know, I woke up yesterday and, before heading to school, performed a pre-departure check which consisted of me asking myself "I don't smell TOO bad, do I?"

Ugh, kids, listen, don't be a grad student. Just... just don't. Graduate and go do something awesome with your lives.

However, I would like to say that as a matter of fact, no I did NOT smell too bad that day. But kharma, or whatever you may call it, came to hit me back in the face like a sack of bricks at the gym when this white guy came prancing all around with a B.O. that can knock out a very small mammalian. Seriously, dude, deodorant. It's not expensive.

Not to mention, I've been smelling some horridly-smelling underclassmen as of late. That's prime graduate student material right there. I just take a look at them, take a whiff of them, and go "Yup, you're going to grad school."

Gaaah can't wait to actually do something with my life! Days to graduation: Less than two months!

Thesis Writing

Hey no one that's listening.

11 whole days have passed since I last wrote something on this blog! Coincidentally enough, the most stuff always happens to me when I write the least. Well, maybe not that much. Anyways, I would go into vivid detail here... were it not for the fact that I have a thesis to write.

That's right, kids! I'm actually taking the initiative and slowly but surely writing this mofo to completion! I have already passed 20 pages! Aren't you proud of me??? Just another 30 more and I should be good to go...

...

Gaaah! Who am I kidding!? I'll never get this paper done! Half of those 20 pages was me just trying to adapt a previously written paper to the current topic. EFFF! It's all really, REALLY rough. Perhaps

Never mind. Every time I say "Perhaps I should X," I just set myself up for failure. Makes me think I'll never be an adult... Although... whenever I tell myself "Perhaps I should listen to J-Pop for JUST 5 minutes...," I have the tendency to go above and beyond and listen to it for hours while learning lyrics to music that is the Japanese equivalent of teenie bop. "I like yooou. I think you're cuuute. You should date meee." and the like.

Yes, this is me being a grad student.

Zachary Quinto and the Grad Student Diaspora

w00t w000000t! Zachary Quinto is GAY, muthafuckas! Another point for the Queen Dream Team. Hopefully, my mother is now slightly more convinced that gay people don't actually look like this all the time.

Man, I love his look. Great jawline, thick eyebrows. Truly a tall, dark, and handsome man. Now to find myself one of these men...

In other news, I don't think I'm being a good grad student. AGAIN. Literally the only thing I've been thinking about this entire week is sex and food. And how I can procure the maximum amount of either object with the least amount of effort. Huh... I think this is how the whole "junk in a watermelon" thing came about...

Amazing how man's greatest feats are only out of desperation to do less work. Oh how the mighty have fallen...

Full Moon on the Quad

Oh Stanford, how I hail thee.

Full Moon on the Quad is quite possibly my most favorite Stanford tradition out there. And it's not because I get to prey on young undergrads as a third-year Master's (ahem, I'm technically still a co-term). Nay, FMotQ holds a different meaning for me as a member of the LGBT community. Also, as someone how loves to dance.

The latter is easier to explain. I love dancing on elevated surfaces and, depending on the crowd, shirtless or not. Usually shirtless. And I love huge crowds but I HATE crowded spaces, which makes FMotQ the ideal place for me to get my groove on. Also, I'm always complimented on my Latino hip-moving skills by women, so that's always a plus. Makes me feel warm inside.

But apart from that, I think FMotQ is the single most important event especially for repressed LGBT youth that come from conservative backgrounds (I won't speak of the straight section of people at this thing, that's just plain ol' bacchanalian debauchery. We're much classier). The gay guy or the lesbian who comes to our small corner on the Quad and wonders about the mound of similarly awkward gay guys and lesbians looking each other and giving a shy smile to indicate "oh my goodness I really want to kiss this cute boy but what do I do!? i'm too shy..."

Step in ME. Now, I don't consider myself ridiculously hot by any means (5'5'' guys don't exactly make the best models), but the amount of compliments I've gotten from guys about my smile and pecs has made me feel pretty comfortable with the way I look. So I don't mind dancing on elevated surfaces shirtless for the world to see. In my imagination, I rally people by arousing them and hopefully making them aroused enough to make out with each other. But another role I play is that of the "it's ok to be gay! also, to kiss me, no matter who you are!" Because in addition to x factors of background, I know, because this was/probably still is the case with me, that a lot of people in the LGBT suffer from low self-esteem issues that are exacerbated by the "hot guys" in our community.

I will tell you one thing about being gay. Not good for our body image. Given our same-sex nature, we basically are always competing against each other to be hotter, smarter, funnier, better. Mainly hotter. And comparing apples to apples to see which makes the best match is much more demoralizing than when the straights compare their apples and oranges.

Anyways, I love FMotQ because it provides a safe space for gay people to openly express our sexuality (and man, saying that just baffles me. Even in the 80's Stanford didn't have our little queer sections, as far as I know). Moreover, a safe space for people to come out, explore sexualities, and have fun while doing it. And even though watching white people (a vast majority are whites at this section of gays) kissing is like watching two great white sharks with giraffe's tongues eat each other's faces off, it still warms my heart to know that they are at least able to do that without any judgment from their peers.

Happy National Coming Out Day!

Ugh.

I'm so glad it's only once a year. It took me like a minute to type all that out.

So I posted on teh facebookz wishing everyone a Happy That, and 15 people have already liked it. I said it there and I'll say it again, wow have we come a long way. If I ever wanted to work in the State Department, that's it, that would've been the end of me. But no, I'm allowed to publicly state that I'm gay even on Facebook sans any deliberations on privacy settings (although I'm pretty sure I'm friends with people who don't know. But honestly, as I said before, if they don't know by now, they have bigger problems than just my being gay). Actually, a lot of Colombian family members and Russian and Japanese friends might not know... oh well! They do now! And honestly, if they have a problem with it, good riddance. I spent a good 16 or so years of my life worrying so much, and being out as all but released that amount of stress that comes with being closeted.

You know, that thing straight people never have to do?

So it's only natural that I should live my life without any secrets as well. Besides, a latino under stress is not a very nice latino to deal with.

If you're feeling all giddy and happy about gayness, please refer to the following links that I stole off of someone's facebook status. I wish more parents were like this one.

My son: gay? and "The Response to the Responses."

Can't say I'm a little jealous of that little sucker. Also, wtf!? Now I have to fight a 6-year old boy to get with Blaine!? UGH! God, I'm gonna drink SO MUCH PROTEIN POWDER and hit the gym SO HARD. Bastard better watch his back next week during snack time... ¬_¬

Letter to the New York-er

In response to a family friend that had known I was gay for a long time, but only now talked to my mom about it.

Hey Marilyn!

Yeah, I figured you knew as well. And if you couldn't tell from the Facebook posts, well... I can't help you there. lol. Besides, you're from New York and I thought "If she's really a New Yorkan, she wouldn't have a problem with it."

Oh, faith... I actually recently saw on your wall a picture of what "traditional marriage" looks like. And to be honest, the "definition of marriage" that politicians are so worried gays will change, has indeed changed significantly over the course of the past couple of centuries. People of course don't know this because they don't read history, don't care to, and only live the small, 70-80 years of their life without ever wondering if life was ever different. I consider myself to be a person of strong faith as well, and I really don't see why being religious and being gay have to mutually exclusive. I've asked my mom and she goes "Pues se supone que..." No. Supone is Spanish for assume. And, as they say, when you assume, you make an ass out of u and me. Por eso me choca cada vez que la gente dice "pues se supone que..." dicendo cosas que la otra gente le ha ensenado sin haber aprendido por si mismo.

These are the thoughts I try to get across to my mom. And thoughts I've *tried* to get across to my dad when we were once talking about Russians and communism. No point really in coming out to my dad, he already has enough crap to deal with. Also he's a lost cause.

I've always wanted to tell Fulvia and Ana Ru as well. I know Ana Ru would be cooler with it, but Fulvia's another example of someone who didn't get enough education so she has to live through life using a framework that the Church has taught her.

You know, I'm not planning on getting married, but if it so happens that I do, it would mean the world to me if all you guys, mom, Fulvia, and Ana Ru, could be there and actually accept it. But I know that's too much to ask for. Alas, as they say, life's a bitch and then you die. lol. At least I truly, honestly believe that all these trials really do make me a stronger and better person. I would hate to have been born straight. I probably would've knocked up some chick by now and been working at a Panda Express. But look where I am today. And I know that it's because I want to be the best there is despite other people, no, *precisely* because other people try to bring me down and say I'm less than they are.

Anyways, those are my thoughts. A lot of gay people have these thoughts, so it's nothing you should be too surprised about lol! I'll see you in December, I'll make the chocolate cheesecake so long as Carol doesn't hold it!

Another bites the dust

the fairy dust.

Man, are you fucking kidding me? SOMEONE else just came out on Facebook!? Man, fuck y'all bitchez! I was gay BEFORE it was cool!

Fo' serious. A guy from my high school just publicly came out on Facebook. Now, not in a million years would I have taken this guy for a homosexual, but then again I suppose that's what homosexuals are. Just normal, everyday people, like you and me (well, I don't count because I'm gay, so just you and... other people like you). Yup... just normal people... CRYING OUT FOR ATTENTION!

I suppose I should shut my whore mouth.

In all seriousness, I *am* shocked that this particular fellow came out, but I am very glad and supportive of his decision to do so. It's just... a bit overwhelming. One of my former roommates also came out to me not too long ago. Seriously, what's up with these sneaky gay people? I'm starting to be all like "Listen, I wouldn't say I'm absolutely 100% precise with my gaydar, but Jesus Christ THROW ME A FREAKING BONE!" Now I'm suspecting all sorts of people of being gay! Next thing you know... it could be you!

And you know what being gay means. It means... YOU'RE A COMMUNIST!

AAAAAAAAAAAH!

BBDO

I found it.

I found the person I want to work for when I grow up.

BBDO. Ogilvy & Mather.

Oh. My. God.

And now... to work up to it.

Steve Jobs

Am I the only person out there who was too poor to afford Apple products, therefore don't really feel like my life has changed as a result of Steve Jobs existing? He is a great man, no doubt, but people need to realize he changed lives for those who could afford it.

I *do* own an iPod nano though that I bought 4-5 years ago (the long, slender one). The following week the smaller one with video capability came out. And it was cheaper. With more memory.

So yeah, you can say I'm kind of bitter at the whole Apple machine.

Fraternity: A (somewhat)Treatise on Homosexual Public Displays of Affection

HOLY CRAP HOW IS TODAY ALREADY THURSDAY!?

Anyways, I was thinking last night ("a dangerous pastime..." "I know"), and I've decided homosexuals in relationships should ideally behave like brothers instead of mimicking their straight counterparts. I don't really like seeing men holding hands or giving each other soft, dainty, stolen kisses on the cheek or mouth. It grosses me out only because I think of the bajillion straight couples who do the same thing. I feel they do it mainly to hide the insecurities and instability of their relationship, so they put up a show for others if only to convince themselves that what they have will last for longer than it probably will.

Not that I don't like public displays of affection, but it has to be done right. And, because we're not straight, we have to find a way to express our affection different from the heteros, because there is a bond between two homosexual men that are much stronger than any straight couple. Be it the fact that they're both men, or the fact that they've had to overcome the challenge of fitting in as an individual that's set distinctly apart from others, although everyone perceives him to be one of their own (I'm talking about pre-coming out of the closet, obviously). Even the word "husband" irritates me. For straight women, "husband" is someone outside your inner circle that you get hitched to and hope that relations with "husband" lasts a long time. Amongst homosexual men, we are not outsiders, we are brothers.

Now the word "brother" obviously brings up notions of incest, and I don't mean for it to come off as so. But clearly the fraternal bonds between two gay guys are, I think (because I'm a homosexual elitist? X-men-ists, anyone?), far more superior than those uniting two straight people. And as such, not holding hands, but walking side by side, or perhaps the arm around the shoulder during a particularly engaging conversation. The occasional little poke on the side of the ribs, or the noogie (sp?) on the head. You know, what brothers do.

Because "brothers" are members of the same family, share a certain thought process, and can consistently guess what the other one is thinking, feeling. And even if two brothers separate, unlike many divorcees that I've seen come to hate each other or remain tepid and indifferent towards their ex-partner, maintaining only official relations, two gay guys can (and have often) become very best friends even after a break-off of relations.

Which is why I REALLY hate it when gays demand the right to be "the same" as heterosexual couples. Colombia has granted all the same rights to homosexual couples that heterosexual couples have, but are still only united through civil unions. And France! By goly! They grant homosexual BETTER RIGHTS than heterosexuals. So I really don't see the need to settle for heterosexual rights, when we can have so much more (because we ARE so much more).

I don't know, just food for thought.

And so it was...

that, on the second day, Wilson went to the gym, and built his abs, and he saw that it was good.

On the third day, Wilson went to the pool to try out his new abs, and got a tan. He saw the speedo tan line, and saw that it, too, was good.

And so it was that on the fourth day, Wilson saw his abs, and his tan, and saw that it was good. So on that fourth day he rested. And ate 4 Krispy Kreme donuts. With the probability of more donuts being eaten very soon.

Eff.

Temptation

Temptation is:

Getting an e-mail from the department saying that Monday is "Donut Monday" with 2-dozen KK donuts and banana bread, starting from 8:45 until food's gone. And then I wake up late at 9AM, don't leave the house until ten, and then work up an appetite biking frantically to school.

Oh, on a side note, I ate a Big Carl's and asked for bacon in it on 2AM Sat/Sun night. And before that went to McDonald's on Friday with Lars. And on Saturday, stuffed my face with cookies and finger sandwiches offered at the Career Development Workshop.

Anyways, here I am feeling fat, and BAM! I get here to the department, AND THERE'S STILL A DOZEN AND A HALF DONUTS LEFT. What. The. Fuck. How am I supposed to resist!? So I had half a donut, followed soon by another half, and to make myself feel better had some of the banana bread. Then another half of donut.

I went to lunch, came back, THERE'S STILL AN ENTIRE DOZEN LEFT + 2 donuts. My god... do I NOT go to school with grad students!? Come to think of it, I'm actually more disappointed in the so-called "grad students" in my department than I am tempted. (not to say that that's going to stop me from eating another donut...). Gosh, REAL grad-students would have been lining up outside the door for fresh Krispy Kremes!

Omg my mouth's watering again... brb.

The Job Hunt

And here I was thinking the only thing I had to worry about was the thesis. lawlzsauce.

A departmental e-mail stated "Oh lookz! Bain haz info session. Y'all go." Mk, might as well see what this is like. I was looking for jobs in the private sector anyways...

With one event after another of "WE LURVE GAY PPL WORK 4 UUUS!" and "LATINOS 4 HIRE!" and "No business background? NO WORRY!" I was like "Oh sweet! All right, maybe I will adapt my government resume and put a consulting twist on it." After all, it seems like most Stanfordian students who are not strictly tech go into consulting anyway, am I right or am I right? Oramiright?

And then comes the suggestions on how to shine in your cover letter/resume. "Yeah just be sure to list all internships you've had since birth." Oops... I spent all my time abroad drinking with foreigners. "Make sure you talk about how you like teaching the blind how to read." Um... did not know I had to be Mother Teresa, too.

And the one word I hate the F**KING MOST in these apps "Demonstrate your LEADERSHIP skills." Leadership? LEADERSHIP!? It's like all these companies are shitting themselves in their pants to build this army of nothing but leaders when, in reality, once they get hired they're just the companies little slaves that get raped in the butt on a daily basis (with 8+ hours the day). Now, if you want me to show my buttsecks credentials, by all means! Just don't lie and pretend like you want leaders when all you want are minions to carry out your every whim.

Whatever. In the middle of writing this blog Lars and I went gay clubbing in San Jose. I actually liked it a bit more than San Francisco. More space to dance, GREAT music (all SF ever plays is shitty house music), TVs to oggle at... of course not many attractive people in the club, but hey, SF isn't famous for its attractive people either. Which made me come to the conclusion, the only people who frequent a club is people who couldn't attract a freaking leper on the outside. Good thing *I* was there to prove them wrong! ...

...

OHGODNO! *runs away crying*

Rima the Beloved

Ah, Rima, it had been so long since we last saw each other.

I was trying to surprise my teacher by sneaking into the building the Russian language classes are usually held, but she saw me outside of Olives. And we hugged and kissed and hugged some more, making it quite possibly awkward for the Mexican chick she was having lunch with. WHOOPS.

Anyways, ran, did abs, went to DIVING CLASS (goddamn I love that class!), lanched (clearly the past participle of lunch), and had tea with Rima oooh until FOUR PM. Came back so tired, that I passed out.

Ugh, see, this is why I love RUSSIAN language professors so much! I sent a kind, thoughtful letter in keigo (honorific speech) to my Japanese professor and asking how great it would be to practice with her once more for a speech contest, and all she replied was "I don't know the deets, check the following link:"

Uh, YEAH, I missed you too, JACKASS.

And what with all these damn articles in Japanese, I'm starting to think "Ugh, maybe I should've stuck with Russian..."

Panic

Dear Self,

Daaamn you are ooone stupid mother fucker. Did you not see how many pages of copies came out from the sources you oh-so-desperately thought was going to make you seem so damn cool as a graduate student? DIDN'T YOU!? Because let me tell you, *some* sources in Japanese *will* make you seem "cool." MANY will make you seem just damn foolish.

I'm (attempting) writing an annotated bibliography for all my sources, so far I have around 25 sources, and those are JUST THE JAPANESE ONES. I've spent the ENTIRE DAY JUST LOOKING UP HOW TO WRITE THEIR DAMN NAMES...

Oh, also, I ask you to prepare yourself for the amount of all-caps that's about to occur...

HOW THE DAMNEDEST FUCK DOES A LANGUAGE EXIST WHERE YOU *CAN NEVER BE FUCKING SURE HOW TO READ A GODDAMN FUCKING NAME!?!?* What the FUCK were you thinking, Japanese!?!? Please, can you have ONE FUCKING READING for 紀子!? The TEN FUCKING READINGS on jisho.org doesn't exactly help my writing process. FUCK YOU OMG FUCK YOU JAPANESE.

But I suppose I should be mad at myself, for being the IDIOT that didn't even bother to read ahead of fall quarter to already have all these damn sources annotated! God I think I'm screwed... HELP ME JEEBUS!

AND I have my meeting with my advisor on Wednesday... that oughta be fun...

Housewarming

Went to a housewarming yesterday in Palo Alto. It was pretty homosexual. I think 95% of the dudes were dude-lovers, and the remaining 5% bi-curious. Odd how the older I get, the more homosexual my friends become. I think my only straight close friend is Jason... huh...

Anywho, my friend Larry and I parked right outside the house before we realized "Oh shit, it's a housewarming party, isn't it?" and felt like utter douches for not bringing anything of any worth. Luckily, there was a Whole Foods a couple blocks down, I got a carrot cake (which was for Erik, but apparently he's allergic to nuts so it was mainly just for me) and Lar got the beer. I wasn't drinking that night, so I thought carrot cake was the best option for me, what with being president of the FKC and all...

Until of course the slightest bit of peer pressure was applied and I succumbed to a bacchanalia of sangria, ginger-infused rum, and jello shots. Also had pizza and cake. Man, this diet thing is *really* not working out for me. How am I supposed to fit in my speedos come Tuesday, when we/I have my first diving class!? Gotta make sure to do extra situps come Monday...

That's besides the point. Point is, hopefully I'm getting Lars introduced to enough gay people that don't just exclusively want to do him in the butt and slowly but surely vnyesti'ing him in the gay community. Welcome! Don't mind the leather chaps...

I can see Russia from my house!

And by Russia I mean Euromart. The Russian store in Palo Alto that was always just a little too far from campus for me to go to when I was living *on* campus, but now, I live FREAKING 5 MINUTES AWAY FROM IT ON FOOT. Oh my god. And on the first run I was a little too excited to just be getting food (cuz I was hungry) but apparently they didn't make food in the kitchen, so I just had to settle for FOUR POUNDS OF PELMENI.

Ah... to be eating an entire bowl of pelmeni made with pripravka and slathered in smetana... mmm...

So apparently pelmeni is a bit expensive around these parts. The four pounds ran me $25 at $6.99 the pound. Youch. Whatever, it's a good investment. I'll have pelmeni every weekend when I can't bike to campus because I'm a lazy bastard. And that's just every weekend.

Damn... I didn't get the ketchup that I saw that I really liked though... I just passed it as I was leaving, and now I'm left with half a liter of sour cream. WHAT THE HELL AM I SUPPOSED TO DO WITH HALF A LITER OF SOUR CREAM!? I wonder how quickly sour cream spoils... please not anytime soon!

"You've already impressed me"

Cutest. Thing. EVER. I think this guy must have bought a book on how to woo other guys. Too bad I'm immune to such sweet talk. But anyways...

I hesitated taking off my pants because I have tiny skivvies on (blue briefs) and I told Sara and Joel that I didn't really want to take off my pants (I was crashing on Sara's couch last night) because I was embarrassed by said skivvies. I said "I wanted to make a good impression, impressions are everything!" which was then followed by a softly spoken

"but you've already impressed me"

PARA COMÉRMELO! Too adorable.

Anyways, apart from that I partied with B-school peeps and gay latinos (see!? why couldn't I make gay latino friends this easily in Miami!? ugh, stupid Miami...) after having chilled at Lawrence's and eating schawerma, preceeded by the LGBT-CRCBBQLOLWTFOMG...BBQ. It was really fun! Not *too* many cute guys, but then again we're all just normal, right? Not like those LA gays... oy vey. And got to see Misha once more! I swear, if you want me to bond with you like none other, have a dog. Have a huge, gorgeous, Muscovite dog. And I'll play with him forevaaaz.

And now... to go to the pool, tan, go to brunch, come back, work on my paper a bit, and then go to a housewarming. w00t!

...*sigh*... worst. grad student. ever.

Chinese Man in Closet

Now before I begin, let me get rid of the joke you probably have in the back of your mind right now:

"Lulz omg bring him out! You gotta teach him the way of the gay! Lulz again"

Ok, now that we're done with that, there is a Chinese man literally living in *the* closet. Not to be confused with *my* closet because 1) I don't even have a closet of my own here and 2) he's not in the same room as me. He sleeps in the closet of the trailer portion of the mobile home and I sleep in the addendum. But as you can imagine, I was quite taken aback when I realized this man sleeps in a space of I'd say 2' x 5'.

Nevertheless, "Jimmy" is a really great guy. A bit talkative, perhaps. He'll just come into my room and say "HEY WILSON!" and then just stand there looking at me for just long enough to begin to make things awkward and then say "How are you!?" He's quite the character though. Favorite topics include "Why you no have girlfriend?" and "Japan so nice, but so expensive! sooo expensive!" Hehehe... he makes me giggle.

He's extremely friendly and helpful. He gave me a ride the other day to the store cuz I needed random crap and he obliged, and left me some extremely delicious (I think it was eggplant) pasta that he bought but "was tooooo much for me." Also, everything in quotations should be said with a stereotypical Chinese accent, btw. And I had delicious pasta after a great workout at the gym.

Imma like living here :)

Die Deutsche Demokratische Republik

Actually, I lied.

I don't think the new Facebook is creepy. I think. it's. AWESOME.

It sort of reminds me of the German movie The Lives of Others, where that Stasi guy listens in on the suspected playwright because some bigwig wants to get with the playwright's chick. And I'M THAT GUY. The Stasi one. Also, it reminds me of the entirety of the Soviet Union. Sending a tape of Christmas songs to Grandma? BAM, REJECTED! Now go back to the red corner and pray to LENIN, buddy, not this "Jesús" guy you keep talking about.

Well, I suppose I can't *really* do much in the way of meddling in other people's lives short of "liking" everyone's statuses. ...or CAN I?

Perhaps I shall keep a close record of all your little indiscretions, dear Facebook friends of mine. And shall I ever need your help, and I notice the slightest hint of hesitation, oh, wait, is that a photo of you buying crack off a bum on the street whilst raping an aborted fetus? I THOUGHT SO.

Um... just so we're clear, I'm not a fascist.

Grad Student: UR DOIN IT WRONG

I'm pretty sure I'm *the* worst grad student ever. Aren't grad students supposed to never sleep? Be bleary-eyed when they wake up at 8am after an hour of sleep because of all the research they've been doing?

I wake up late, go to sleep early, and worst of all, when I'm doing research I always take about a 1-2 hour nap. I... I think I have a problem. Not to mention the research that I'm doing is *technically* really exciting, there's no reason why it shouldn't be! Heck, I CHOSE the damn thing! But something about reading endless pages of Japanese just makes all the characters dance before my eyes with a quiet, ever so annoying taunt "yooou caaan't reeead me, nanny nanny boo boo!"

In OTHER news, instead of the research I'm supposed to be doing I spent the majority of the day writing this Russian exam. Just a quick 1-2 page essay on what jihad is and how the views of the American people and government changed towards jihad post-9/11. Yeah, pfft, no biggie. Oh, wait, so, like, Arabs and Muslims and Brown People are all the same, right?

Oh, right.

...

shit.

WELP! Back to the books, kids.

Leprosy

i tink i haz it.

Pretty sure that nice, sizeable chunk of skin on the right side of my left pinky was doing just fine ON the pinky a day or two ago. How I managed to lose said skin, well, that's anybody's guess.

I wonder if this had to do with the scratch I got from the protruding nail in the bathroom after I got out of the shower in my mobile home.

YES, IT'S A MOBILE HOME, NOT A TRAILER. Hmph!

Americans

Jesus fuck-Christ, Americans, WHY ARE YOU SO DAMN TALL!? As if my dating pool isn't small enough as it is already, it's halved and then some by the fact that I can't get with guys TWO TIMES MY HEIGHT.

Ugh, I guess it's back to gymnasts and wrestlers again. #firstworldproblems

Thesis Day #2

Well, I took the Russian test! It took 1 hour exactly, just as I had hoped. Only... with a two-hour break in between for lunch with Lydia and her stupid cute boyfriend (I'm not bitter) and an hour long chat session with people who sympathize with me on just how painful it is to be a graduate bachelor. All the damn frosh are all giddy and high-fiving each other on the streets and all your older, not-in-academia friends are in loving relationships which you know are loving because of the amount of disgustingly cute photos they post on facebook of them kissing/hugging/fisting each other. Oh, and they just got engaged. Or married.

Fuck you, Facebook, why'd you ever have to even that relationship status function!?

Oh! And now to read this ONE article in Japanese. At this rate, the thesis will be dooooone... once the freshmen graduate.