Funk-ay

So apparently I'm in a funk. So has told me two people over the past week. I don't seem as genki probably as I usually am.

But that's so weird! Why on earth would I be funk-ay? I have no reason to be! As a matter of fact, I DO thoroughly enjoy the fact that I literally have no real classes and only have to wake up early (and by "early" I mean 7:30am) on Tuesdays and Thursdays to head to the gym early before my DIVING CLASS. Yeah, that's right, I TAKE DIVING. So, from my end, I'm actually as happy as happy can get, so I really don't see what these people are talking about.

Perhaps there's something lying beneath that belies my funk-ayness. The job hunt has been thoroughly frustrating, which has made a huge dent in my self-confidence. I look at my resume, then at all the job postings that they have on the internetz and I just sigh and lament my own inexperience and lack of foresight when I was an undergrad doing what I loved to do most: languages.

However, I *am* looking into positions that will have me be assistants to people. I LOVE assisting people! It's what I do best! I like to make sure everyone's happy all the time and I can carry a helluva conversation with whomever! Also, I'm FREAKING BUBBLY AS FREAK. WHO WOULDN'T HIRE ME!?

I guess the funk also comes from my not advancing so much on my thesis. It's going, slowly but surely, I just wish I wrote faster and were able to be more eloquent than my stupid ESL-ass is at current point in time. I have a lot of social commitments, but then every once in a while I can't commit because I have the thesis, so I end up feeling as if I'm sacrificing both for nothing in return.

Anyways, hopefully everything will be figured out come December.

B.O.

Unlike BBDO, this acronym is of something far more nefarious.

You know, I woke up yesterday and, before heading to school, performed a pre-departure check which consisted of me asking myself "I don't smell TOO bad, do I?"

Ugh, kids, listen, don't be a grad student. Just... just don't. Graduate and go do something awesome with your lives.

However, I would like to say that as a matter of fact, no I did NOT smell too bad that day. But kharma, or whatever you may call it, came to hit me back in the face like a sack of bricks at the gym when this white guy came prancing all around with a B.O. that can knock out a very small mammalian. Seriously, dude, deodorant. It's not expensive.

Not to mention, I've been smelling some horridly-smelling underclassmen as of late. That's prime graduate student material right there. I just take a look at them, take a whiff of them, and go "Yup, you're going to grad school."

Gaaah can't wait to actually do something with my life! Days to graduation: Less than two months!

Thesis Writing

Hey no one that's listening.

11 whole days have passed since I last wrote something on this blog! Coincidentally enough, the most stuff always happens to me when I write the least. Well, maybe not that much. Anyways, I would go into vivid detail here... were it not for the fact that I have a thesis to write.

That's right, kids! I'm actually taking the initiative and slowly but surely writing this mofo to completion! I have already passed 20 pages! Aren't you proud of me??? Just another 30 more and I should be good to go...

...

Gaaah! Who am I kidding!? I'll never get this paper done! Half of those 20 pages was me just trying to adapt a previously written paper to the current topic. EFFF! It's all really, REALLY rough. Perhaps

Never mind. Every time I say "Perhaps I should X," I just set myself up for failure. Makes me think I'll never be an adult... Although... whenever I tell myself "Perhaps I should listen to J-Pop for JUST 5 minutes...," I have the tendency to go above and beyond and listen to it for hours while learning lyrics to music that is the Japanese equivalent of teenie bop. "I like yooou. I think you're cuuute. You should date meee." and the like.

Yes, this is me being a grad student.

Zachary Quinto and the Grad Student Diaspora

w00t w000000t! Zachary Quinto is GAY, muthafuckas! Another point for the Queen Dream Team. Hopefully, my mother is now slightly more convinced that gay people don't actually look like this all the time.

Man, I love his look. Great jawline, thick eyebrows. Truly a tall, dark, and handsome man. Now to find myself one of these men...

In other news, I don't think I'm being a good grad student. AGAIN. Literally the only thing I've been thinking about this entire week is sex and food. And how I can procure the maximum amount of either object with the least amount of effort. Huh... I think this is how the whole "junk in a watermelon" thing came about...

Amazing how man's greatest feats are only out of desperation to do less work. Oh how the mighty have fallen...

Full Moon on the Quad

Oh Stanford, how I hail thee.

Full Moon on the Quad is quite possibly my most favorite Stanford tradition out there. And it's not because I get to prey on young undergrads as a third-year Master's (ahem, I'm technically still a co-term). Nay, FMotQ holds a different meaning for me as a member of the LGBT community. Also, as someone how loves to dance.

The latter is easier to explain. I love dancing on elevated surfaces and, depending on the crowd, shirtless or not. Usually shirtless. And I love huge crowds but I HATE crowded spaces, which makes FMotQ the ideal place for me to get my groove on. Also, I'm always complimented on my Latino hip-moving skills by women, so that's always a plus. Makes me feel warm inside.

But apart from that, I think FMotQ is the single most important event especially for repressed LGBT youth that come from conservative backgrounds (I won't speak of the straight section of people at this thing, that's just plain ol' bacchanalian debauchery. We're much classier). The gay guy or the lesbian who comes to our small corner on the Quad and wonders about the mound of similarly awkward gay guys and lesbians looking each other and giving a shy smile to indicate "oh my goodness I really want to kiss this cute boy but what do I do!? i'm too shy..."

Step in ME. Now, I don't consider myself ridiculously hot by any means (5'5'' guys don't exactly make the best models), but the amount of compliments I've gotten from guys about my smile and pecs has made me feel pretty comfortable with the way I look. So I don't mind dancing on elevated surfaces shirtless for the world to see. In my imagination, I rally people by arousing them and hopefully making them aroused enough to make out with each other. But another role I play is that of the "it's ok to be gay! also, to kiss me, no matter who you are!" Because in addition to x factors of background, I know, because this was/probably still is the case with me, that a lot of people in the LGBT suffer from low self-esteem issues that are exacerbated by the "hot guys" in our community.

I will tell you one thing about being gay. Not good for our body image. Given our same-sex nature, we basically are always competing against each other to be hotter, smarter, funnier, better. Mainly hotter. And comparing apples to apples to see which makes the best match is much more demoralizing than when the straights compare their apples and oranges.

Anyways, I love FMotQ because it provides a safe space for gay people to openly express our sexuality (and man, saying that just baffles me. Even in the 80's Stanford didn't have our little queer sections, as far as I know). Moreover, a safe space for people to come out, explore sexualities, and have fun while doing it. And even though watching white people (a vast majority are whites at this section of gays) kissing is like watching two great white sharks with giraffe's tongues eat each other's faces off, it still warms my heart to know that they are at least able to do that without any judgment from their peers.

Happy National Coming Out Day!

Ugh.

I'm so glad it's only once a year. It took me like a minute to type all that out.

So I posted on teh facebookz wishing everyone a Happy That, and 15 people have already liked it. I said it there and I'll say it again, wow have we come a long way. If I ever wanted to work in the State Department, that's it, that would've been the end of me. But no, I'm allowed to publicly state that I'm gay even on Facebook sans any deliberations on privacy settings (although I'm pretty sure I'm friends with people who don't know. But honestly, as I said before, if they don't know by now, they have bigger problems than just my being gay). Actually, a lot of Colombian family members and Russian and Japanese friends might not know... oh well! They do now! And honestly, if they have a problem with it, good riddance. I spent a good 16 or so years of my life worrying so much, and being out as all but released that amount of stress that comes with being closeted.

You know, that thing straight people never have to do?

So it's only natural that I should live my life without any secrets as well. Besides, a latino under stress is not a very nice latino to deal with.

If you're feeling all giddy and happy about gayness, please refer to the following links that I stole off of someone's facebook status. I wish more parents were like this one.

My son: gay? and "The Response to the Responses."

Can't say I'm a little jealous of that little sucker. Also, wtf!? Now I have to fight a 6-year old boy to get with Blaine!? UGH! God, I'm gonna drink SO MUCH PROTEIN POWDER and hit the gym SO HARD. Bastard better watch his back next week during snack time... ¬_¬

Letter to the New York-er

In response to a family friend that had known I was gay for a long time, but only now talked to my mom about it.

Hey Marilyn!

Yeah, I figured you knew as well. And if you couldn't tell from the Facebook posts, well... I can't help you there. lol. Besides, you're from New York and I thought "If she's really a New Yorkan, she wouldn't have a problem with it."

Oh, faith... I actually recently saw on your wall a picture of what "traditional marriage" looks like. And to be honest, the "definition of marriage" that politicians are so worried gays will change, has indeed changed significantly over the course of the past couple of centuries. People of course don't know this because they don't read history, don't care to, and only live the small, 70-80 years of their life without ever wondering if life was ever different. I consider myself to be a person of strong faith as well, and I really don't see why being religious and being gay have to mutually exclusive. I've asked my mom and she goes "Pues se supone que..." No. Supone is Spanish for assume. And, as they say, when you assume, you make an ass out of u and me. Por eso me choca cada vez que la gente dice "pues se supone que..." dicendo cosas que la otra gente le ha ensenado sin haber aprendido por si mismo.

These are the thoughts I try to get across to my mom. And thoughts I've *tried* to get across to my dad when we were once talking about Russians and communism. No point really in coming out to my dad, he already has enough crap to deal with. Also he's a lost cause.

I've always wanted to tell Fulvia and Ana Ru as well. I know Ana Ru would be cooler with it, but Fulvia's another example of someone who didn't get enough education so she has to live through life using a framework that the Church has taught her.

You know, I'm not planning on getting married, but if it so happens that I do, it would mean the world to me if all you guys, mom, Fulvia, and Ana Ru, could be there and actually accept it. But I know that's too much to ask for. Alas, as they say, life's a bitch and then you die. lol. At least I truly, honestly believe that all these trials really do make me a stronger and better person. I would hate to have been born straight. I probably would've knocked up some chick by now and been working at a Panda Express. But look where I am today. And I know that it's because I want to be the best there is despite other people, no, *precisely* because other people try to bring me down and say I'm less than they are.

Anyways, those are my thoughts. A lot of gay people have these thoughts, so it's nothing you should be too surprised about lol! I'll see you in December, I'll make the chocolate cheesecake so long as Carol doesn't hold it!

Another bites the dust

the fairy dust.

Man, are you fucking kidding me? SOMEONE else just came out on Facebook!? Man, fuck y'all bitchez! I was gay BEFORE it was cool!

Fo' serious. A guy from my high school just publicly came out on Facebook. Now, not in a million years would I have taken this guy for a homosexual, but then again I suppose that's what homosexuals are. Just normal, everyday people, like you and me (well, I don't count because I'm gay, so just you and... other people like you). Yup... just normal people... CRYING OUT FOR ATTENTION!

I suppose I should shut my whore mouth.

In all seriousness, I *am* shocked that this particular fellow came out, but I am very glad and supportive of his decision to do so. It's just... a bit overwhelming. One of my former roommates also came out to me not too long ago. Seriously, what's up with these sneaky gay people? I'm starting to be all like "Listen, I wouldn't say I'm absolutely 100% precise with my gaydar, but Jesus Christ THROW ME A FREAKING BONE!" Now I'm suspecting all sorts of people of being gay! Next thing you know... it could be you!

And you know what being gay means. It means... YOU'RE A COMMUNIST!

AAAAAAAAAAAH!

BBDO

I found it.

I found the person I want to work for when I grow up.

BBDO. Ogilvy & Mather.

Oh. My. God.

And now... to work up to it.

Steve Jobs

Am I the only person out there who was too poor to afford Apple products, therefore don't really feel like my life has changed as a result of Steve Jobs existing? He is a great man, no doubt, but people need to realize he changed lives for those who could afford it.

I *do* own an iPod nano though that I bought 4-5 years ago (the long, slender one). The following week the smaller one with video capability came out. And it was cheaper. With more memory.

So yeah, you can say I'm kind of bitter at the whole Apple machine.

Fraternity: A (somewhat)Treatise on Homosexual Public Displays of Affection

HOLY CRAP HOW IS TODAY ALREADY THURSDAY!?

Anyways, I was thinking last night ("a dangerous pastime..." "I know"), and I've decided homosexuals in relationships should ideally behave like brothers instead of mimicking their straight counterparts. I don't really like seeing men holding hands or giving each other soft, dainty, stolen kisses on the cheek or mouth. It grosses me out only because I think of the bajillion straight couples who do the same thing. I feel they do it mainly to hide the insecurities and instability of their relationship, so they put up a show for others if only to convince themselves that what they have will last for longer than it probably will.

Not that I don't like public displays of affection, but it has to be done right. And, because we're not straight, we have to find a way to express our affection different from the heteros, because there is a bond between two homosexual men that are much stronger than any straight couple. Be it the fact that they're both men, or the fact that they've had to overcome the challenge of fitting in as an individual that's set distinctly apart from others, although everyone perceives him to be one of their own (I'm talking about pre-coming out of the closet, obviously). Even the word "husband" irritates me. For straight women, "husband" is someone outside your inner circle that you get hitched to and hope that relations with "husband" lasts a long time. Amongst homosexual men, we are not outsiders, we are brothers.

Now the word "brother" obviously brings up notions of incest, and I don't mean for it to come off as so. But clearly the fraternal bonds between two gay guys are, I think (because I'm a homosexual elitist? X-men-ists, anyone?), far more superior than those uniting two straight people. And as such, not holding hands, but walking side by side, or perhaps the arm around the shoulder during a particularly engaging conversation. The occasional little poke on the side of the ribs, or the noogie (sp?) on the head. You know, what brothers do.

Because "brothers" are members of the same family, share a certain thought process, and can consistently guess what the other one is thinking, feeling. And even if two brothers separate, unlike many divorcees that I've seen come to hate each other or remain tepid and indifferent towards their ex-partner, maintaining only official relations, two gay guys can (and have often) become very best friends even after a break-off of relations.

Which is why I REALLY hate it when gays demand the right to be "the same" as heterosexual couples. Colombia has granted all the same rights to homosexual couples that heterosexual couples have, but are still only united through civil unions. And France! By goly! They grant homosexual BETTER RIGHTS than heterosexuals. So I really don't see the need to settle for heterosexual rights, when we can have so much more (because we ARE so much more).

I don't know, just food for thought.

And so it was...

that, on the second day, Wilson went to the gym, and built his abs, and he saw that it was good.

On the third day, Wilson went to the pool to try out his new abs, and got a tan. He saw the speedo tan line, and saw that it, too, was good.

And so it was that on the fourth day, Wilson saw his abs, and his tan, and saw that it was good. So on that fourth day he rested. And ate 4 Krispy Kreme donuts. With the probability of more donuts being eaten very soon.

Eff.

Temptation

Temptation is:

Getting an e-mail from the department saying that Monday is "Donut Monday" with 2-dozen KK donuts and banana bread, starting from 8:45 until food's gone. And then I wake up late at 9AM, don't leave the house until ten, and then work up an appetite biking frantically to school.

Oh, on a side note, I ate a Big Carl's and asked for bacon in it on 2AM Sat/Sun night. And before that went to McDonald's on Friday with Lars. And on Saturday, stuffed my face with cookies and finger sandwiches offered at the Career Development Workshop.

Anyways, here I am feeling fat, and BAM! I get here to the department, AND THERE'S STILL A DOZEN AND A HALF DONUTS LEFT. What. The. Fuck. How am I supposed to resist!? So I had half a donut, followed soon by another half, and to make myself feel better had some of the banana bread. Then another half of donut.

I went to lunch, came back, THERE'S STILL AN ENTIRE DOZEN LEFT + 2 donuts. My god... do I NOT go to school with grad students!? Come to think of it, I'm actually more disappointed in the so-called "grad students" in my department than I am tempted. (not to say that that's going to stop me from eating another donut...). Gosh, REAL grad-students would have been lining up outside the door for fresh Krispy Kremes!

Omg my mouth's watering again... brb.

The Job Hunt

And here I was thinking the only thing I had to worry about was the thesis. lawlzsauce.

A departmental e-mail stated "Oh lookz! Bain haz info session. Y'all go." Mk, might as well see what this is like. I was looking for jobs in the private sector anyways...

With one event after another of "WE LURVE GAY PPL WORK 4 UUUS!" and "LATINOS 4 HIRE!" and "No business background? NO WORRY!" I was like "Oh sweet! All right, maybe I will adapt my government resume and put a consulting twist on it." After all, it seems like most Stanfordian students who are not strictly tech go into consulting anyway, am I right or am I right? Oramiright?

And then comes the suggestions on how to shine in your cover letter/resume. "Yeah just be sure to list all internships you've had since birth." Oops... I spent all my time abroad drinking with foreigners. "Make sure you talk about how you like teaching the blind how to read." Um... did not know I had to be Mother Teresa, too.

And the one word I hate the F**KING MOST in these apps "Demonstrate your LEADERSHIP skills." Leadership? LEADERSHIP!? It's like all these companies are shitting themselves in their pants to build this army of nothing but leaders when, in reality, once they get hired they're just the companies little slaves that get raped in the butt on a daily basis (with 8+ hours the day). Now, if you want me to show my buttsecks credentials, by all means! Just don't lie and pretend like you want leaders when all you want are minions to carry out your every whim.

Whatever. In the middle of writing this blog Lars and I went gay clubbing in San Jose. I actually liked it a bit more than San Francisco. More space to dance, GREAT music (all SF ever plays is shitty house music), TVs to oggle at... of course not many attractive people in the club, but hey, SF isn't famous for its attractive people either. Which made me come to the conclusion, the only people who frequent a club is people who couldn't attract a freaking leper on the outside. Good thing *I* was there to prove them wrong! ...

...

OHGODNO! *runs away crying*